Author Archives: B McGraw

Pink and Fire: Computational Fluid Dynamics Simulation Analysis of My Recent Gender Reveal Party Disaster

In this paper, a inadequate CFD simulation engine is revamped to analyze my disastrous Gender Reveal party to get an insurance payout

War on Fungal Growth: Law Enforcement Containment Procedures of White-nose Syndrome in Bats

Using law enforcement methods, these six totally reasonable techniques can prevent White Nose Syndrome in bat populations

Hypnotism-Administered Placebo Treatment for Susceptible Populations Suffering from Existential Dread

In this paper, it is proven that hypnotism is a safe and effective means of administering placebos…assuming the patient is mentally stable

10 Adorably Microscopic Salty Creatures who turn the Northern Half of the Great Salt Lake Pink

In this paper, we present the ten adorable microscopic creatures turning the northern half of the Great Salt Lake Hot Pink!

The Future of Romance: Novel Techniques for Replacing your Boyfriend with Generative AI

After months of being single, I need to replace some positive behaviors of my Ex. I don’t want to text him so Generative AI it is

9 Undebatable Scientific Reasons the Nazca Mummies aren’t Aliens

In this flawless science paper, Hugh Mann, who doesn’t wear a skin suit, details nine key arguments debunking the Nazca mummy aliens

Me and My Friend Found Where the Coolest Part in My Room is Using the Heat Equation Because it is REALLY REALLY HOT OUTSIDE!

In this ground breaking article, Jack and Aaron use partial derivatives and the heat equation to find the coldest part of their room!

Cave Fossil Evidence Suggest Homo Naledi Behavior Similar to Our 23-Year-Old Son Who Won’t Move Out

In these ground breaking findings, it is deduced that the ancient Homo Naledi ancient Hominin were as messy as your son who won’t get a job