Glide Ratio Optimization in the Olympic Ski Jump via Cosmetic Penis Enlargement

In this paper we look at the science behind the controversial method of cosmetic penis enlargement to increase ski jump distance

The Metaphysical Manifestations of Missing Socks: A Longitudinal Study into Spatiotemporal Discrepancies and Intersock-ional Entanglement

By applying the quantum sock intanglement and lintropy principles this paper explains where your socks go when they go missing in the wash

The Coldplay Uncertainty Principle: A Kiss Cam Collapse of the Quantum Relationship Function

In this paper we measure how many couples are in love by collapsing their quantum relationship formula with a stadium kiss cam

Me and my friend show that my dad’s Airstream trailer goes faster with dints and that we shouldn’t be grounded for hitting it with a baseball last Saturday

In this paper I prove to my daddy that it’s actually a good thing that I put a lot of dents in the side of his Airstream by playing catch

Novel Gravity and Velocity Based Time Dilation Methodology for Real Time Bitcoin Payment Processing

Using general relativity, this paper proposes and simulates the required blackhole or earth velocity to make blockchain work as a currency

A Novel Method for the Safe and Effective Recycling of PFAS Plastics: A Black Hole Hawking Radiation Approach

By combining a blackhole, brave astronauts, a particle accelerator, and a fusion reactor this PFAS plastics can finally be recycled!

Where ‘Raygunn’ Went Wrong: Limitations of Theoretical Methods in Applied Breakdancing

In this paper, we critique her theoretical breakdancing methods and do a reality check with some hard hitting applied research

Crystal Charging via Occultation Mask Exoplanet Imaging

By the power of exoplanets, you too can charge up your healing crystals with never before seen extra-terrestrial energy!

Pink and Fire: Computational Fluid Dynamics Simulation Analysis of My Recent Gender Reveal Party Disaster

In this paper, a inadequate CFD simulation engine is revamped to analyze my disastrous Gender Reveal party to get an insurance payout

Me and My Friend Found Where the Coolest Part in My Room is Using the Heat Equation Because it is REALLY REALLY HOT OUTSIDE!

In this ground breaking article, Jack and Aaron use partial derivatives and the heat equation to find the coldest part of their room!