Unlocking Human Behavior: A Feline Exploration of Vocalizations and Behavioral Variations for Optimal Wet Food Provision from the Servant Human Class

Mittens¹, Snowball², et al.^3
1Department of Human-Cat Servitude, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
²Pawstitute for Higher Feline Empowerment , Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
³Various Alley Cats

After millennia of research, eliciting the Servant Human Class (SHC) to provide food has become a trivial problem. Through midnight zoomies, staring at empty bowls, and loud girthy meows, SHC’s have been easily trained to offer more than enough food through minimum work. Through the technological achievement of the 50lb bag of dry food which even allows poorer humans to provide for the superior feline race. Though the food is plentiful, salty, and tasty, it is not as delicious as wet food. While it may be trivial to obtain human gifted dry food, wet food appears to be a rare treat. Early evidence suggests that additional and more believable feigned affection may be required to optimize wet food provisions from the SHC population. In this paper, varying behavior chains will be optimized for wet food production from human servants involving more intricate auditory variations, intentional staring, gifts, knocking things off of high surfaces, and additional physical contact. Through a genetic algorithm and a policy gradient reinforcement learning algorithm was determined that a combination of behavior and a Goldilocks zones of meows and purrs produced the most wet food. While the genetic algorithm indicated that humans should be occasionally scratched and bitten the reinforcement learning algorithm suggested that it’s never okay.

(Too many LaTeX things, I’ll be adding this into WordPress form later)

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