## Log-log-likelihood of Black Walnut in Random Forestry

Wyatt Johnson, an honest logger, uses a Maximum Log-Log Likelihood estimator to find the prized Black Walnut ‘Old Wilbur’ on his friend’s property

## Breaking Up with your Girlfriend but not your Friends:A Cyclic Graph Algorithm for Social NetworkPreservation

By structuring his friend groups in a cyclic graph, Chad designs an algorithm to maintain friendships after breaking it off with Tiffany

## NSF to Change Scientific Review Process for Faster More Exciting Science and Better TV Ratings

To get the youths interested in science, the NSF is changing the rules of the peer review process for faster science and better tv ratings

## Ellipsoidal Palm-line Convolutional Chaotic Filter with Training from Several Palms allows Remote and Discreet Prediction of Target’s Future

Using Future Derivative Vectors an ML algorithm is trained to predict your future based on your palm lines

## Me and My Best Friend Aaron Prove the 3n+1 Problem even though it is a REALLY Hard Problem

In this landmark mathematical proof, two 2nd graders Jack and Aaron create a proof of the Collatz Conjecture

## A Comparative Analysis of Four-Leaf Clover Induced Luck

Four-leaf clover luck is measured by the winnings of 28 gamblers holding different good luck charms at the run down casino across the street

## Can you design and train an ML algorithm for this Pandas Sex Dataset? An ML Choose Your Own Adventure!

Using supervised, unsupervised, or reinforcement learning can you design an ML algorithm for these Pandas sex datasets? In this Choose Your Own Adventure

## On The Tardiness Of Coworkers And How To Exploit It

In this groundbreaking research, we determine the optimum amount of time to show up late to a meeting by arbitrarily assigning numbers to things

## A Quantitative (N=4) Study of Postpubescent Male Cognitive Activity in Heterosexual Modern Dating

In this landmark study, Scientist Ramisa Fariha studies the existence of brain activity in four boys when interacting with girls

## Optical Turbulence Characterization and Wiener Filtering of Hot New Intern Induced Temperature Gradients

The new Intern Todd is too HAWT and is screwing up my LIDAR data because of his insane HOTness, we fixed that with a Wiener Filter!