The Bark Defense: A 99.999% Successful Method for Keeping Emily Safe from Strangers and Garbage Trucks

Using a fool proof Barking method, this paper shows how I am able to scare away nearly 100% of threats from my owner Emily

To Couple or Not to Couple: Bardic Inspiration in Organic Reactions

Inspired by the emerging field of echocatalysis and an abiding respect for Dungeons & Dragons lore, we investigated the potential for “Bardic Inspiration” to influence chemical reactivity in coupling reactions.

One Rocket to Rule Them All: An Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Ring of Power Delivery Feasibility Study

In this paper we analyze the feasibility of using an ICBM to deliver the ring of power from Rivendell to Mt Doom

Investigation of Eating Surfaces for Food Items: an Incomprehensive Study

In a landmark incomprehensive study, we have reviewed the suitability of various materials as eating surfaces. A
wide array of materials were examined, from wood to people, under a variety of conditions (wet, dry, dirty and clean).

Reappraisal of the Geologic Time Scale: Evidence for a 6,001-year-old Earth

By analyzing upwards of several fossils this paper dates the earth to exactly 6,001 years old. No more. No less.