B. McGraw1
1Department of Statistical Over-Application, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
Abstract
When a strange dog shows up at a shelter, you can’t ask them what their name is. All you can do is feed them, call them a good boy and make sure they’re neutered. It has been a problem plaguing shelters and foster dog parents everywhere. Due to the probabilistic nature of dog behavior, names are exceptionally difficult to directly sample without prior knowledge than many would think. The issue is that many words sound the same, there is a baseline chance a foster dog will come to you or look at you no matter what you say, and there are way too many dog names out there. Who names a dog Water Whipper? As is statistics tradition, when a solution is unknown, the only option is to use a Markov Chain Monte-Carlo (MCMC) method such as the Metropolis Hastings algorithm. In this paper, we will determine that even the great MCMC struggled to find a most likely dog name under a reasonable number of iterations, or we didn’t test Barney’s real name or anything close. Either way, it’s still a mystery.
Keywords: Barney Barnes the Dog, MCMC, Metropolis Hastings, Dog Fostering, Iterative Name Sampling, Food Sounds, Baseline Dog Behavior, Name Vocalization Spectrum, Foster-Dog-Name-Finderer, Good Boys
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If you loved Barney, him being a foster dog up for adoption isn’t a joke, see Reference 10 if you’re interested! [update] Rusty has officially been adopted!
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