Testicular Cancer Truck Nut Self-Examination for North American Pick-up’s: A Cost-Benefit Analysis

B. McGraw¹, and Joe “Baby Hands” McGraw²

¹ Department of Truck Care Analytics, Cranberry Lemon University

² Center for Applications in Gentle Feels, Cranberry Lemon University 

Abstract

The United States Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) has recommended against testicular self-examinations (TSE) or clinical examination for testicular cancer screening in truck nuts of any make or model. It was no surprise as the USPSTF is heavily lobbied by the auto-manufacturing industry which benefits from regularly servicing trucks suffering from metastasized cancer into the engine block. This paper discusses truck nut screening techniques and a cost-benefit analysis by every day truck owners and field technicians regularly screening truck nuts. The cost of treating early stage truck nut cancer can be as cheap as $1.97 for a replacement orange or $3.94 if cancer is detected in both truck nuts. If undetected, treatment could amount to an average of $29,997 in Chemoil-change-therapy or $50,000 in unmarked black market car parts and mechanic labor. As testicular truck nut cancer occurs in 5.7 out of 1,000 pick ups on average between 50-100,000 miles, the additional four minutes of truck nut screening could save the average consumer $190.05 in truck nut cancer treatment! 

Keywords:  Truck, Nuts, Pick-up Screening, Chemo-oil-change-therapy, Testicular Cancer, Truck Care, Gentle Squeezing

If you would like to read the rest of this article, it is a chapter of our new book How to Prove Anything: 30 absurd research papers no one else was brave enough to publish which can be purchased here on amazon of from Packt directly

If you enjoyed this making light of a deadly disease that you should really actually self-screen for, no really, please like, share, and subscribe with your email, our twitter handle (@JABDE6), bluesky (@jabde honestly liking blue sky so far) our Facebook group here, or the Journal of Immaterial Science Subreddit, Discord for weekly content (we’re trying).

Like our content? Consider buying one of our books such as Et al. A collection of 23 of our jabde papers  https://packt.link/at4bw or our other books such as; a full length Historical Fiction dark humor novel about the conman/Roman emperor Otho called 69: Part 1: The Fake it Till ya Make it Emperor, or My Work Trip to Mars which is exactly what it sounds like