Would He Still Love Me as a Worm: Indirect Sampling and Inference Techniques for Romantic Assurance

Dr. Tiffany Love¹ 

¹Department of Romantical Inference, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA 

Abstract

Ever since I saw the trend on TikTok, I had to know if my boyfriend Chad would still love me if I were a worm. After sampling Chad by directly asking him on camera at least 25 times for statistical significance, ANOVA analysis revealed that he would indeed still love me if I were a worm. Unfortunately, previous studies regarding direct sampling of questions of romantic commitment, though proving similarly statistically significant, have not withheld independent validation tests. This replication crisis has revealed a worrying uncertainty. If this study were validated, it would likely show that Chad might not love me if I were a worm! It is impossible to validate the previous study as I am not able to turn into a worm. In this paper, the worm love question will be validated indirectly by exhibiting worm like behavior, appearance, and sexual practices to measure Chad’s response and therefore his true commitment to me. Analysis found that per behavior there is around a 39% percent chance that Chad will love me the same or more, a 34% percent chance that he will love me much less and a 27% chance that he loves me more because he got really worried at the end

Keywords:  Relationships, Dirichlet Distribution, Love, Worm Transmogrification, Behavioral Modification, Chad, Worms, Commitment, Avoiding sunlight, Eating Dirt, Replication Crisis, Validation Studies, Chadometrics, Emotional Monitoring

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