We’ve all been there 💁♂️, you’re getting PRESSURED😣 to publish📗 something and you just wana get that 🧬research🔬 out into the world🌍. You’re trying🫡 to meet some ARBITRARY ☠️deadline〰 and yup, you guessed it❓, you have to deal🃏 with some annoying unnecessary comments🤬 from some ideologue😈. Yup, that’s right, it’s reviewer #2😈 just showing off and power🔌 tripping💉 over some comma😴 or something. Here are some of the ABSOLUTELY WORST comments I’ve 👁seen👀 recently from this annoying review process!
1. “Be more Professional!”
What does it even mean😭 TO BE 👨🏻💼PROFESSIONAL👩🏼💼? I feel like the people😈 that make this comment 💁♂️literally💁♂️ just want to say 🗣something🗣 but don’t have anything of 🍷substance🥖 to say! Who wrote the rule 📚book📖 to say I can’t talk in the first and second person? That’s just 🐮BS💩 and you know it!
2. “I don’t know what this word means”
Like get an F🤬n dictionary 😆lol🤣. If you can’t 📈figure out what a word means through context or by 🔎looking 🕵🏻♀️it up🔍, maybe you shouldn’t be 🤨reviewing papers🤨! If it’s just a 🥰cute🥰 way to tell me that I’m using a 🈲word🈳 wrong or 💋making up💄 words, why don’t you just 🤨tell me and not 💃dance around the 📰issue🗞!!
3. “Don’t Write So Politically this is a respected Journal”
It’s the 🤖21st century🚀, how could I NOT be 🏛political🗳 over my ✍️writing✍️!?! If you don’t want me to 🥊fight🤼 the system through 🧑🔬science, then I think you’re definitely part of the problem💁♂️. Like what’s it like being a massive💪 sell🧑🏻💼 out?
4. “Please Be Relevant”
Okay😤, if I HAVE to 👏give my 👶life👵 story📕 to explain why my 📝study is so important❣️ I’m going to give my 👶life👵 story📕❣️ OKAY❣️ If you don’t want to hear about why this 📝STUDY is so 🔑important🔑 to me, maybe you shouldn’t be a 💁♂️reviewer💁♂️ and get into a 💔heartless💔 profession like I don’t know,🕴Insurance? F🤬 insurance, just grow a ❤️heart and 👂listen to my story!
5. “Your Math is Wrong”
How can 🧮math be wrong🤔? It’s MATH🔢! It can’t be WRONG. At least if you’re going to SAY that my ✖️math➕ is wrong why don’t you be more 🙋🏽♀️specific about it and provide the 🤨correct ➗math♾? Huh🤔? Maybe it isn’t that it’s wrong🧐, maybe it’s that it’s too 🤷♂️complicated for your 🐁puny little brain🧠 to understand and you feel 🫣inferior to my 🦸♀️superior intellect🧠! Yeah, thought so…
6. “Don’t Use this Journal in your References”
🌎Wikipedia🌎 is one of the most 🏋️♀️widely 😋trusted sources of ℹ️nformation on the internet👩🏻💻. There is an 👯♀️ENTIRE 👩❤️💋👨COMMUNITY👨👩👧👦 behind🍑 it! Like I don’t know how many people look at the papers📄 on the Annals🍑 of Whateverology you think is so 🏔HIGH and 💪MIGHTY, but not nearly as many as there are on 🌎WIKIPEDIA🌎! You can’t be so 👩⚖️JUDGY👨⚖️ about this stuff! I don’t need that 🤑PRETENTIOUS attitude🤑 saying 🦉WHO🦉 I should and shouldn’t trust!
7. “Stop Using ChatGPT”
Okay 👵BOOMER👴. If you’re not using 🤖ChatGPT🤖 to ✍️write your 📰articles for you😬, you’re like two years🍾 away from becoming completely irrelevant💁♂️! At this rate🚞, you’re ⏳six months⏰ away from becoming 😒irrelevant😒…that 📲technology 🐈cat is ⤴️out of the 🎒bag! Learn to live with it or get out of the way💁♂️!
8. “Please Define this Acronym”
Okay, everyone knows what WAP🌊🍑🙀 means. I don’t think🤔 I should have to SPELL-IT-OUT for this 😎guy😎. If I have to define EVERY single little🐭 acronym, we’re just gonna be here all 🌚night! When I 👀SEE👀 an “I don’t know what this word means” comment, do I 🙃need🧐 to SPELL🔠 it out 4 U? G-O-O-G-L-E-.-C-O-M-/-s-e-a-r-c-h-?-q-=-W-A-P Maybe🧐 that’ll help🥴 you out before you go on 🗑wasting everyone’s ⌚️time!
9 “Stop Stealing Lab Equipment”
What’s the 🤺point⚔️ of letting me 👩🏻💻WORK in the 🔬lab🧫 if you’re NOT going to let💁♂️ me use the 🛻equipment. It wasn’t doing ANYTHING in those 🗄drawers🗄! I can’t 🥺ask 🙏permission to do EVERY-SINGLE-THING I do in there! ALSO💁♂️, even IF I stole🥷 that 🔬lab🧫 equipment and I mean IF, would that make my 🔭science any less valid🤨? NO, you just wana be an annoying little ⛔️road⛔️block⛔️ Mr. Reviewer😈, gate🌉 keeping all us young 🧑🔬scientists!
10. “I don’t know what Metric this is”
To MY 🤩AUDIENCE🤩 it should be COMPLETELY 🙄 OBVIOUS what metrics I’m using🙄. I believe if you REVIEW🙇♂️ a paper📄, you should be in the community😀🥹! You should 👩🎓know👩🎓 what things are 👈here👈 and there👈. Everyone KNOOWS what the 📷sensor📡 A-B readings are from a VB300, TRUST ME on that one!
11. “Do a better Lit Review”
Not ONLY is this COMPLETELY insulting😤, but it’s also ENTIRELY 😖unhelpful😖. LIKE if you’re 🚎GOING🚎 to tell🤐 me to 🐄beef🥩 up my references, WHY don’t 🫠YOU suggest some 🧻papers. AND 2️⃣EVEN4️⃣ WHEN🕘 they suggest papers🤨, that’s right➡️, it’s the 😈REVIEWER’s😈 OWN papers! TOTALLY self💁♂️ dealing♣️ culture🧫 right there! BESIDES! How on earth🌏 could you have any NEW 🧪science if it needs an 🎓academic background. That’s LITERALLY 😔impossible😔 to have a reference on ANYTHING NEW think about that!
12. “Two pages is short of our five page minimum”
Brevity is 🤴
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I was once told by a reviewer to “tone down the profanity”. The original title was “Diachronic Analysis of Obscenity: A Quantitative and Qualitative Examination of Profanity Utilization Patterns in Fifteenth Century French Discourse”.