Breaking Up with your Girlfriend but not your Friends:A Cyclic Graph Algorithm for Social NetworkPreservation

Dr. Chad Broman1

1 Department of of Applied Psychological Machine Learning, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

Abstract

Tiffany and I broke up. While I am heart broken, thanks for asking, I’m left with an even larger task at the end of any relationship; how do I maintain my social network when we share all of the same friends? I have been with Tiffany for years, so naturally, we have all of the same friends. I would like to keep all of them. But I can’t be in the same room as her without getting into another stupid argument because “I don’t know how to listen” whenever I’m doing something wrong. She knew this when she started dating me, I’m not a mind reader! I’m not going to know when me and my friends are being too loud, we were playing Warhammer this weekend, everyone knows that game takes like 33 hours and we’d be up that late! It’s not like it was the first time. Regardless, it was a messy breakup and to keep my friends and not run into her every other night, this paper develops cyclic graphical representation of all our social network and develops an algorithm so that I don’t accidentally run into her so that she’ll think “I can’t live without her, because I can’t take care of myself.”

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Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

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