Log-log-likelihood of Black Walnut in Random Forestry

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Wyatt “The Log Whisperer” Johnson1,2,3,4,5

1 Department of Statistical Wood Studies, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2 Owner of Wyatt Johnson’s Fine Furniture Warehouse with half priced deals on cabinets and Coffee Tables this Presidents Day! Pittsburgh, PA, USA

3 Owner of Wyatt Johnson’s Specialty Wood Depot LLC, If you can saw it, you can buy it here, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

4 President, Treasury, and Pot-Luck Organizer of the Royal American Selective Logging Society

5 Chief Editor of and author of the Veneer Logging Magazine, 12 issues a year for only a 60$ per 6 month subscription. A TRUE BARGAIN with all the wisdom you’ll gain!


Black Walnut is one of the most valuable pieces of lumber you can naturally find in an American forest. A good log of Black Walnut could make 1k to 1.5k at a normal lumber warehouse, though a logger could make 2k easily at Wyatt Johnson’s Specialty Wood Depot LLC because it’s an industry owned by loggers and not industrial capitalists. 2k will buy you a lot of Miller. Many hustlers out there, like Samantha Greene, say they have the perfect system for finding the rarest trees in the forests of Appalachia, but they’re only after your money. They don’t have the mathematical background like I do. By using maximum log-log-likelihood estimation to find valuable logs such as Black Walnut, we were able to pinpoint the most likely old growth forests to turn my logging business even more profitable and find Old Wilbur which was only known as a legend until this paper!

Editors note: I used way too many special latex symbols my website doesn’t like for the math…as much as I love uploading these things it may live in PDF-Latex land forever

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Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

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