Dietetic Benefits of Simple Carbohydrates and Bovine Byproduct in Low Earth Orbit

Geoff Andersen, DCN1 and Julia Olaf, PhD2

1 Department of Agriculture and Life Sciences, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
2 Department of Theoretical Physical Education, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

Abstract

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese ™ has been the Delphic mealtime adjunct for decades. The creamy chain of monosaccharides has, in cases, been the only source of nutrition for struggling engineering students and starving artists due to its ease of preparation and optimal quantities of protein, carbohydrates, creams, fats, tubes, and nostalgia. This present study aimed to assess the neurological and physiological impacts of eating only microwave Easy Mac in Low Earth Orbit. The analysis intent was to determine a holistic net positive or net negative result of the diet utilizing kinesiological, mental, and logistical metrics with the current astronaut diet of congealed-Tang and freeze-dried ice cream as a control. It was determined that the dietetic shift yielded a net positive effect on our space crusaders and outperformed in every metric except for the beta-ray binomial press, quark re-distribution puzzle, and effluvium rating.

Keywords: Tang, Low Earth Orbit, Easy Mac, Astro-nutrition, Phase-shift Treadmill

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Published by S Rohrenjean

S. Rohrenjean is an Aerospace Engineer who has specialized in Canard Aesthetics and Reynolds Determinacy. With essentially a minor in Business Ethics, he began his professional endeavors as an undergrad selling access to his hoard of previous semesters Aero exams. Success came easy as most Aero professors concern themselves with the internal dialog of "why didn't I become a EE?" and "EE isn't real engineering, plasma induced laminar flow will change the world!", and thus never change their exam questions. Now, as an unemployed engineer who can explain in detail every aspect of Kutta condition but can't code "hello world" in anything but Matlab, he is working on the only true career progression of an Aero Engineer, tenure track professor.

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