Ultrasound Prediction of Increased Risk of Sith’s Disease

Joseph “Baby Hands” McGraw¹

¹ Department of Baby Catching and Internal Fetal Medicine, Cranberry-Lemon University Medical School, Pittsburgh, PA, USA 

Abstract

With advanced blood tests, it has been possible for a decade to predict a child’s force aptitude via midichlorian counts. Many parents still wonder if it is a good idea to train their children in the ways of the force as many find it a pathway to some powers many consider to be unnatural. The prevalence of Sith’s disease is rampant and on the rise in the Republic and early detection has become a crucial way to teach patience and mindful meditation in utero through baby speakers. Although there is no known method to chemically or genetically test for risk of Sith’s disease in unborn fetuses, this paper will introduce an ultrasound method which has been found to identify an increased risk with 84% accuracy (+/- 6% s.d.). 

Keywords:  Ultrasound, Sith’s Disease, The Dark Side, Internal Fetal Medicine, Shroud of Darkness

1. Introduction

There has been a worrying increase in Sith’s disease within the Jedi population for decades [1]. Although the linking to environmental causes is still inconclusive [2], and traumatic childhood experiences appear to be only correlated but not causal [3], some Maternal Medicinal Sithologists suspect that the disease is more nature than nurture. In one infamous twin study, two children separated at birth to be trained in the ways of the force were both seduced by the dark side despite rigorous instructions by a certified and well-regulated Jedi training routine [4]. 

Although most prevention conditioning is costly and cumbersome for most Jedi, there are many proven techniques for preventing a journey to the dark side such as mindful meditation [5], emotional counseling [6] and somehow GLP-1’s [7]. It is for this reason that we must detect increased risk for Sith’s disease as early as possible so that at risk padawans may receive increased dark side monitoring, prevention breathing techniques, or are never trained in the first place. 

2. Methodology

Ultrasounds aren’t just for determining the gender of your child to throw a pink or blue themed party with explosives [8], it’s also for ensuring the health of a baby. It is often used to detect Spina Bifida, Down Syndrome, a Clubfoot, and many more relevant and expensive medical tests great for collecting data since the information isn’t actionable until after the birth. Sith’s disease is extremely difficult to detect even in adulthood. Most cases are not detected until the disease has taken hold and overthrown the entire Jedi order or started a massive proxy war over a trade dispute. 

Before a force adept child has had the chance to blend in with the common Jedi and hide their dark proclivities, Sith’s disease is much easier to spot in utero as shown in Figure 1. This child is already hiding their face under a dark hood calculating the perfect moment to obtain power at all cost. At last, they will reveal themselves in ~22 weeks. At last, they will have revenge. 

It is still a mystery why Sith’s disease causes a propensity for hiding one’s face behind a dark and mysterious cloak, but it has been well documented since 5,000 B.B.Y. [9]. A fetus suffering from the early effects of Sith’s disease is no different. Theoretically, while attempting to get a nice illuminating picture of a child’s face via ultrasound, their Sith’s disease may kick in and hide their eyes and forehead in a shroud of darkness (SoD).  

3. Data Collection and Results

Thanks to a recent data leak, Cranberry Lemon Medical Hospital purchased over 38,000 12- and 15-week ultrasound image sets of future force users over the dark web using our strategic bit coin reserve. Of the over 38,000 fetuses 62 attempted to overthrow the Jedi order or exhibited other signs of falling to the dark side of the force. 

Thankfully, every set of ultrasound images contained at least a handful where the tech attempted to get a baby face for the expecting parents. A CV model was trained to auto detect the occurrence of a SoD type image by matching to a trained data set of images of Emperor Palpatine. From the images we estimated a base rate of 5-6% containing a SoD type image. Results can be seen in table 1.

	Total	SoD Percentage
No Symptoms	38,162	5.6%
Killed Jedi Master	43	75%
Red eye syndrome	28	82%
Diverted Republic resources to develop weapons of mass destruction	14	93%
Killed Younglings	33	86%
Started a galactic war in an attempt to enact a totalitarian intergalactic empire	12	90%
Attempted to overthrow the Jedi Order	25	78%

4. Discussion

Of the known cases of Sith’s disease, 84% exhibited SoD images at the 12–15-week ultrasound. Before displaying the dangerous signs of Sith’s disease, this is the best-known method for early detection. However, because of the Sith’s disease base rate, a SoD image does not come close to implying the risk of falling prey to the lust for power through the twisted abuse of the dark side of the force. Because the probability of Sith’s disease is at an extremely low P(S)≈0.00163 and the shown probability of a SoD image is relatively high at P(SoD)≈0.056, the high probability of exhibiting SoD given Sith’s disease P(SoD|S)≈0.84 does not lead to a compelling indicator. By applying Bayes Rule: 

There is only a 2.5% chance of Sith’s disease given a SoD. It is a useful test and result but in no way implies that the baby’s heart will eventually become filled with anger and hatred after being consumed with fear. It is additionally important to note that we do not know the true base rate of Sith’s disease as many children become untreated and most Jedi’s who fall prey to the suffering of the dark side end up dead or in prison and untreated for their condition.  

5. Conclusion

Exhibiting a Shroud of Darkness in the womb is not a complete diagnosis of Sith’s disease but it is an important indicator that should be taken seriously. If there were 84% less Sith’s in the galaxy, think of how many wars would not occur and how much more funding we would have for public services and charitable outreach instead of expensive clone armies or planet destroying WMDs. Get your 12-15-week ultrasounds and if they are Shrouded in Darkness, do not skip the therapy. 

References

1. Talren Keth 120 BBY Epidemiological Surveillance of Dark-Side Conversion in the Modern Jedi Order :: Journal of Jedi Epidemiology 
2. Thalen Rusk 172 BBY Kyber Crrystal Exposure and Early Dark-Side Behavioral Traits :: Annals of Preventive Sithology
3. Corvin Haleon 149 BBY Psychological Pathways to Sith Ideology in Force-Sensitive Youth :: The Galactic Journal of Behavioral Force Studies
4. Jonric Vale 65 BBY Nature vs Nurture in Dark-Side Development: A Jedi Twin Cohort Study :: Journal of Force Genetics
5. Riden Torvek 213 BBY Mindfulness Training in Padawans: Reducing Anger-Driven Force Use :: Mindfulness and Lightsaber Therapy Quarterly
6. Talia Vorn 62BBY Early Therapeutic Interventions for Anger-Induced Force Instability :: Journal of Jedi Mental Health and Counseling
7. Rellin Darv 212BBY What can’t they do? GLP-1 Analogs as a Potential Preventive Therapy for Sith’s Disease :: Intergalactic Journal of Metabolic Force Medicine
8. Melba McCormick 2025 Pink and Fire: Computational Fluid Dynamics Simulation Analysis of my Recent Gender Reveal Party Disaster :: How to Prove Anything
9. Arden Cael 2172BBY The Evolution of Sith Garb and Symbolism in Dark-Side Traditions :: Proceedings of Ancient Jedi Archives

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