Non-Dietary Lipid Reduction Techniques: Movement Based Approaches

an on treadmill

Dr. Dan ‘Coach’ Getz,1 Dr. Ned ‘Assistant Coach’ Göeing

1 Department of Theoretical Physical-Education, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

Abstract

What are you doing sitting down? You think you’re going to get rid of those love handles by just replacing chicken with tofu and lying on the couch rewatching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia for the fourth time this year? Get up and get moving! Those pounds aren’t going to melt away by thinking about going for a run [1]! Thoughts don’t get the heart rate up [2]. Intentions don’t burn calories [3]. Plans won’t let you fit back into your size 32 pants, so you don’t have to drop three hundred dollars at JC Pennies every time Taco Bell has a collaboration project with Doritos [4]. In this paper, I’m going to get you out of the house, moving, and burning that fat so that you can blame your poor dating success on your personality and not your physical appearance. 

Keywords: Get off that Couch, Dropping Down and Doing 20, RUN, No Pain No Gain, Not Being a Bitch, Faster!

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Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

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