Non-Dietary Lipid Reduction Techniques: Movement Based Approaches

an on treadmill

Dr. Dan ‘Coach’ Getz,1 Dr. Ned ‘Assistant Coach’ Göeing

1 Department of Theoretical Physical-Education, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA


What are you doing sitting down? You think you’re going to get rid of those love handles by just replacing chicken with tofu and lying on the couch rewatching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia for the fourth time this year? Get up and get moving! Those pounds aren’t going to melt away by thinking about going for a run [1]! Thoughts don’t get the heart rate up [2]. Intentions don’t burn calories [3]. Plans won’t let you fit back into your size 32 pants, so you don’t have to drop three hundred dollars at JC Pennies every time Taco Bell has a collaboration project with Doritos [4]. In this paper, I’m going to get you out of the house, moving, and burning that fat so that you can blame your poor dating success on your personality and not your physical appearance. 

Keywords: Get off that Couch, Dropping Down and Doing 20, RUN, No Pain No Gain, Not Being a Bitch, Faster!

If you enjoyed this fake health article and want more scientifically backed relationship advice, please like, share, and subscribe with your email, our twitter handle (@JABDE6), our facebook group hereor the Journal of Immaterial Science Subreddit for weekly content.

If you REEEEALY love the content, for the equivalent price of a Chipotle Burrito, chips and Queso, you could buy our new book Et Al with over 20 hand picked Jabde articles for your reading pleasure, it’s the perfect Christmas/Birthday gift for confusing your unsuspecting family members! Order on amazon here: Please rate and review so that you can brag to your friends about having opinions or showcase your excellent taste in reading material!

Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: