NASA Scientists confirm Lithuanian Doom-Rock Metal sounds more like Ethiopian Pornogrind Wherewolf Core on Mars

After Perseverance landed on Mars with a iMac processor, apple care, and a whole host of microphones, NASA scientists were able to begin studying the red planet. Besides the number two goal of finding life on the red planet, their priority mission was discovering what different things sounded like in the arid atmosphere. After first taking recordings of the wind, other natural sounds, and some classics out of the American song book, perseverance began collecting audio samples of replayed metal genres. Despite the success of the Mars sound simulation engine, it didn’t capture all of the subtleties required to classify metal sub genres.

“We were able to quickly determine what your meat and potatoes pop, jazz, country, classical, and generic classic rock would sound like on Mars in about the first week of running experiments,” Commented NASA’s lead extra-terrestrial music sub-genre expert Richard ‘Black Blade’ Harris. “Each of those genres are pretty distinct and didn’t take a lot of data to confirm our previous models. That only took about a couple weeks with the communication latency and all. When it came to all the metal sub-genres, we estimated that it would take months, maybe even years of data collection to categorize and update all of the arbitrarily nuanced sub genres of metal. Now, we finally have some reportable results!”

After nearly a year and a half of data collection, the rover now has an answer to important questions like, what does Lithuanian Doom Rock Metal, or Pirate core sound like on Mars? As shown in the video below developed by the top NASA scientists, when the Lithuanian doom rock is played in a Martian environment it actually sounds more like Ethiopian Pornogrind Wherewolf Core. The transmitted sample of the Doom Rock song ‘Dread of the Neurotic Desires’ replayed on Mars can be heard in the video below as well as on Earth.

Dread of the Neurotic Desires played on Earth and on Mars (audio via using CC BY-NC-SA 4.0)

To the layman even on earth, this Metal song sounds like any run-of-the-mill doom metal on Earth or on Mars. For instance, most inexperienced metal listeners will not be able to tell the difference as they usually have ear plugs in after ten seconds of live music and it’s all muffled anyway. But once analyzed by metal head experts, it has been determined that Lithuanian doom rock magically transforms into Ethiopian Pornogrind Wherewolf Core.

“It’s pretty wild to believe that this song transformed into an insanely different subgenre,” again spoke Richard ‘Black Blade’ Harris. “This is in large part due to the different atmosphere which slowed down the sound just enough which caused the doom rock to have a more wherewolfey vibe only delivered by the porngrind bands of Ethiopia. It’s really something else, it’s an exciting day for metal heads and science enthusiasts everywhere!”

With the doom rock genre’s fully characterized by NASA scientists, they will soon begin testing on all Viking rock genres sources confirm. It sure beats the normal discoveries of boring rock samples.

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Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

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