Can you help DOGE find fraud in the antiquated COBOL system? A Coding-Bureaucratic Choose your Adventure

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this choose your own adventure even those based on real people are entirely fictional. All Elon images are AI-generated…poorly. The following story contains antiquated code and strange political opinions which should not be viewed by everyone.

You’re a 21-year-old freshly dropped out computer science student who realized you don’t need a bachelor’s degree to code. I mean, who needs to know how to create a database from scratch in java to work in industry right? You just wana code and make those fat stacks! You posted about it on twitter with some incredibly dank memes where you portray your professors as goofy looking wojaks and yourself as the muscular Chad wojak. It catches the attention of twitter lord himself Elon Musk.

He extends an offer to come work for Doge and you accept. You flew out to DC to accept the job offer which he states, ‘started yesterday’.

“Hello and welcome to DOGE” Elon snickers in his office. “Are you ready to join dark MAGA?”

“Sure, seems like a job”

“Great!” Elon jumped up enthusiastically making an X in the air and showing off his substantial midriff. “You’ll be on the team looking through the COBOL code running the social security system, but first, I’ll need you to sign this NDA”

Elon hands you a large stack of papers with several places to initial per page. What do you do?

“Yeah Let’s own those Libs and take away all their DEI money!” Sign the NDA and begin working with Elon.

Sign the NDA, sure thing no problem

Sure, I’ll sign but I don’t know COBOL

Don’t sign the NDA

Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

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