Donald J. TrumpA*
Abstract: COVID viruses are bad little hombres. In 2020 I had some ideas – great ideas – for killing the Chinese Virus so AMERICA can be grate again. But the Leftist Libtards and their Woke agenda spread propagananda to stop you from hearing them! They and their fraud friend scientists, scientists who made the virus in Chinese labs want you to take their– if its not POISON, vaccines, with Bill Gates and windows tracking chips in it. Very Bad. The Woke Left won’t ever – they’ve been brain washed by Faucci – never trust honest Americans. Even though I’m a stable genius – very stable, ok? – they only trust their crony scientists and boring journals. But I’m not scared of them, there pussies who are scared of getting a real job, so I though “I gonna write them a paper then, fight them on their turf”. So I did some research, and found this thing called “The Journal of Immaterial Science” – very interesting, not Fake News, so I can tell you my GREAT ideas.
Introduction
My fellow Americans, and my enemies too – losers. The Chinese Virus, many of you are scared of it. When I had it, it wasn’t so bad. But I’m, and my doctors said, I have a wonderful body, I’m very healthy. For people who are old or crippled, like that Washington post reporter, they need some help to fight the Chinese Virus. A while ago, I was talking to my good friend Bill Bryan, and he was saying that disinfectant knocks out the virus in one minute. And I thought “…is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning? As you see, it gets in the lungs, it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that.”1 Since Sleepy Joe and the ANTIFA mafia stole the election that I won by a landslide, I had some time to test my ideas. So this is my, I think I’ve written 12 books now, and they’ve all done very well, my report on killing the Chinese Virus.
Hypothesis
My friend Bill told me about the mRNA that’s in the virus, and I think he said that’s what we’re going to target, kinda like a drone strike. I see that disinfectant knocks out the virus in one minute, and I’ve aways used bleach when I needed to destroy DNA evidence, so my idea is to cleanse the body with bleach, and replace all the nasty mRNA with good old fashioned mRCA (fuck yeah!).
Results and Discussion
As I said, it gets in the lungs, so we need a way to bring the disinfectant into the lungs so it can kill the virus. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the greatest germ-killer of all time: Sterility© by Trump. Folks, when I think about disinfectant, I think about the best. I think about excellence. And that’s exactly what Trump Disinfectant represents. It’s the best disinfectant you’ll ever use, and believe me, I’ve used a lot of disinfectants in my time. But this one, folks, this one is in a league of its own. It’s packed full of tremendous things like Chlorofictionol© and pseudo-Fectivex, and chloride dioxide which wipe out viruses just like I wiped out ISIS. And at just $89.99 a bottle, I’ve made sure that all the Americans worth keeping alive can afford it.
Sterility© by Trump works just like an asthma inhaler: you just point it into your mouth and press the button, and my patented Squirt System shoots a jet of disinfectant straight into the lungs. Once it gets in there, it will clear out the Chinese Virus in no time, as well as any other bad little hombres in there.
Now, I know some people like to talk about “science” and “research,” but let me tell you, folks, I’ve done my research, and I can tell you that Sterility© by Trump is the best, the very best. I wanted to test my disinfectant on Mexicans, but Dr Faucci wouldn’t let me have any. More people have been in science labs than I have, but I’m very intelligent, VERY intelligent, so I thought “viruses are round, and so are oranges, so maybe we could test my cure on oranges”. So on the left here you can see a picture of the orange, and then there’s a picture of the same orange after it’s been sprayed with Sterility© by Trump.
Bill said before that sunlight knocks out the virus in one minute, just one minute, so I said “what if we could make the light brighter?” So, I put together a team, the best team, the most brilliant minds, and let me tell you, these people are incredible. They’ve been working day and night, working tirelessly, and they’ve come up with something that’s going to change the world: The Trump Sunbed©. The Trump Sunbed© uses light to kill the Chinese Virus. But it’s not just any light. It’s a tremendous kind of light, very special, very powerful. We use tubes full of mercury to make the light, which looks kinda purple. We’re going to use these special, very special lights, incredible lights, to kill the virus. We shine the light inside the body, right through the skin, and it just wipes out the virus, folks. It’s like a miracle, like nothing you’ve ever seen. It’s quick, it’s safe, and it’s very, very powerful. The fake news, they’ll try to tell you it’s not real, but I’ve seen it, and it’s real. We’ve got the best light, the most beautiful light, and we’re going to make America COVID-free again, and we’re going to do it quickly.
Now I said before that we could try bringing the light inside the body, and my people have been working on that too. Here’s a selection of products they’ve come up with to bring this tremendous light inside the body, to destroy the virus.
Future Work But do you know what’s even better than treating the virus? Not getting it in the first place. When I was president, I was the best ever leader at keeping terrorists and Mexicans out of the country. So I thought “what if we could build a WALL around the body to keep the virus out?” We see that it gets in through the nose and mouth, and sometimes the eyes, so I thought maybe we could cover those places up with something that the virus can’t get through. I can’t tell you too much yet, but we have some GREAT ideas, fantastic ideas, and they’re going to totally confuse the Chinese Virus. Here’s a sneak peek at one of them:
Conclusion
I’ve always said, “America can do anything,” and we’re proving it once again. We’re going to use the power of bleach and light to cure COVID, and we’re going to do it faster and better than anyone else. It’s going to be a tremendous victory, and you’re all going to be part of it.
Acknowledgements
D.J.T acknowledges himself for helpful discussions, and for being tremendously tremendous.
Editor’s Note
In compliance with the author’s express instructions, this article has not been proofed for grammatical errors. However, it has been thoroughly beer reviewed in compliance with our Journal’s editorial policy.
Notes and references