B. McGraw1, and Joe “Baby Hands” McGraw2
1 Department of Truck Care Analytics, Cranberry Lemon University
2 Center for Applications in Gentle Feels, Cranberry Lemon University
Abstract
The United States Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) has recommended against testicular self-examinations (TSE) or clinical examination for testicular cancer screening in truck nuts of any make or model. It was no surprise as the USPSTF is heavily lobbied by the auto-manufacturing industry which benefits from regularly servicing trucks suffering from metastasized cancer into the engine block. This paper discusses truck nut screening techniques and a cost-benefit analysis by every day truck owners and field technicians regularly screening truck nuts. The cost of treating early stage truck nut cancer can be as cheap as $1.97 for a replacement orange or $3.94 if cancer is detected in both truck nuts. If undetected, treatment could amount to an average of $29,997 in Chemoil-change-therapy or $50,000 in unmarked black market car parts and mechanic labor. As testicular truck nut cancer occurs in 5.7 out of 1,000 pick ups on average between 50-100,000 miles, the additional four minutes of truck nut screening could save the average consumer $190.05 in truck nut cancer treatment!
Keywords: Truck, Nuts, Pick-up Screening, Chemo-oil-change-therapy, Testicular Cancer, Truck Care, Gentle Squeezing
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