Dr. Hugh Mann1
1 Department of Normal Business Studies because I am a very normal human and most humans study this, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
There is a lot of discussion online and in the news easily picked up from remote radio wave signals on the other side of Europa about the recently declassified videos of Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) and the recent congressional hearings. Despite the convincing testimonies of the pilots and intelligence officials, as well as the declassified videos, there are easy explanations debunking the released footage. I am a very reasonable normal human with no ulterior motives and can be trusted. I like pizza and couches like any person on this planet.
Keywords: UFO, Aliens, Physics Explanations, Go Fast Video, Gimbal Video, Parallax, Weather Balloons, No Warp Drives
1. The Photos are Always Fuzzy
For some reason every single photo ‘evidence’ of these class 3 planet hoppers is always blurry. You can believe me; these vehicles have sharp edges and an easy to recognize paint job, but no doors. If these infrared images weren’t just picking up a distant plane or bright spot of some other inferior terrestrial aircraft, why are they always blurry? Seems suspect to me and there should be no reason to upgrade earths cameras. They are all likely earth craft, or birds.
2. Everyone has a Smart Phone
I have heard on a recent intel report that most humans have smart phones. If that report is to be believed these smart phones all have cameras and I ask you this people of earth; if everyone on earth has a smart phone, how has there not been widespread video of flying objects if there are so many visitors from other planets. One explanation is that humans are too stupid to know how to use a camera and could not take a picture of fast-moving flying objects. It could not be possible a cell signal from a phone triggers a cloak shield at all.
3. The Parallax Makes the Object Look Faster
In the famous Go Fast video, it appears that the ‘UFO’ is travelling at an extremely fast speed. If the Arabic numerals are to be believed in the video, it is not moving that fast. Arabic numerals are a system of differentiating a numerical value at a base 10 system instead of the superior base 14 system to match the number of fingers you have. Once the oddly coded base 10 numbers were decoded from the screen, the object appears to be stationary while the perspective of the ground moves at fast speed due to the Parallax of the jet plane. Because of this, the object is likely a large bird or an earth drone and not a Blorgrob Model Ę low altitude cruiser.
4. The Earth Sensors Probably Malfunctioned
Everyone knows that humans make the worst sensors. They haven’t even found dark matter and can barely detect space stations orbiting Neptune or gypsum mines on Mars. While these sensors appear to see some objects, it is likely that those objects are bright spots glaring on the camera producing effects which could make them appear like they are rotating freely on a zero-turn-radius-warp-0.4 gimbal. It is not possible for a plasma drive to make such a glare and it is likely an archaic jet engine. Maybe if the pilots made a Non-Uniformity-Correction (NUC) of their IR camera, they could see that it is not a space vessel making a nature documentary.
5. They were All Weather Balloon
Weather balloons move with the wind in mysterious ways and show up on infrared and radar. One common occurrence when spotting UFOs is that they disappear suddenly. What else disappears suddenly other than unattended livestock? That’s right, Balloons. Balloons pop and would explain the sudden disappearance of the mysterious flying object. There is nothing else detected by our sensors that could possibly jump a warp hole up and over a mountain when suddenly detected. If they aren’t weather balloons, the unknown objects could also be large birds who often disappear suddenly when they are caught and devoured for their nutrients.
6. Copper Thieves are a Better Explanation
Some believe that there’s no way that all of the precious earth minerals are disappearing overnight naturally. Some conspiracy theorists like to pin the missing copper in earth power substations on aliens mining us for our resources during sudden blackout caused by temporary EMPs. This is not true and using an EMP would be stupid when an IOM blast would do the trick. The missing copper is not from the aliens, it’s from common thieves risking life and limb to jump some fences, steal it, and sell it on the open market.
7. It would be Cheaper to Grow Beef on Klepton 5
Similar to the missing copper, a lot of earth dwelling cattle ranchers blame missing cows on alien abductions. This is a simple phenomenon easily explained by wolves and the easy to look up fact that it would be much cheaper to raise laboratory beef on Klepton 5. Earth beef is 12.8 times the cost of Klepton beef when gas, logistics, and the freeze chamber keeping the cow fresh is all accounted for. Many say that the Klepton 5 beef is not as savory as the earth grown beef. A simple blind taste test would prove this fact false. There is no reason to abduct earth cattle even though some still believe they taste better.
8. A Seasoned Pilot Would Have Turned Cloaking On
Any space pilot who knows what they are doing would be aware that in the presence of a non-space faring civilization, it is required by Galactic code 9Æ1.73Œ to activate a visual cloaking device. If a vehicle is found with an inoperable cloaking device or not operating one in the presence of an observed species, the owner and driver of the vehicle is fined 2,000 Koplecks! With that incentive in place, there would be no reason for a pilot to not be operating their cloaking shield while flying on earth even to let in some cool air.
With those eight reasons, there are just too many easier more natural and scientific explanations for all of those not very strange videos released by the country on the upper left side of the third planet of the sun. If it were me, I would not investigate these findings any further and continue producing television and movies to be broadcast out into space for all planets to enjoy on radio frequencies.
10. About the Author
Hugh Mann is a respected and very normal professor of business studies. When he isn’t teaching business to students or drinking a normal soup, he likes and does all of the normal things that humans do; like get haircuts, walk by trees, collect books and other documents of importance, or even take showers even if it burns his skin. His skin and hair are normal colors, it’s his real body and grew up in a small down in Indiana and has no living relatives.
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