The Pirate Kitty Theory: How a House Cat Being let out led to the Extinction of the Dodo Bird

Dr. David Summers1 , Booyah2

1 Department of Cat Ecology, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2 Indian Ocean Ecological Department, Greater Somali-East Indies Academic Society of Pirates and Scallywags, Mozambique, Somalia


It may not have been the Dutch settlements, or the 17th century sailors, but one of the sailor’s cats who killed the Dodo. The Dodo is a flightless bird universally used as a symbol for extinct animals. It lived undisturbed on the remote island of Mauritius and looked like it couldn’t survive modern life. Because of the Dutch settlements, humans have been largely to blame for its disappearance. However, new bone fragment evidence confirmed by predator-prey models, Epic Battle Simulator, and a housecat trained Generative Adversarial Network [1] show that a single pirate’s cat may have decimated the Dodo population beyond recovery in the late 17th century. This wild claim is additionally backed up by the tales and exploits from the journal of the Infamous Captain Cooksley ‘Poopdeck’ Johnson.  

Keywords: Dodo, Ecology, Predator-Prey Models, Epic Battle Simulator, Generative Adversarial Networks, Pirates

If you REEEEALY want to read the rest of this paper, for the equivalent price of a Chipotle Burrito, chips and Queso, you could buy our new book Et Al with over 20 hand picked Jabde articles for your reading pleasure, it’s the perfect Christmas/Birthday gift for confusing your unsuspecting family members! This article ended up becoming the cover despite ChatGPT hating it so much! Order on amazon here: Please rate and review so that you can brag to your friends about having opinions or showcase your excellent taste in reading material!

Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: