Moving Company Drops James Webb Telescope

Reposted with permission from The Journal of Post Jungian Machine Learning

NASA has announced recently that the James Webb telescope’s magnificent 18 piece mirror broke apart after being dropped by the local moving company. NASA personnel were alarmed when they heard a slight jingling sound when moving the cardboard box that the giant telescope was transported in. Engineers were then horrified when they open up the cardboard box and noticed it had broken into a million pieces.

When asked for comment, Jim’s Moving Company claimed the satellite was already broken when they packed it. “We showed up to the facility and saw the item was broken into a bazillion little pieces. I thought it was bizarre, but they don’t pay us to ask questions” said Steve, one of the movers. NASA is countering by showing pictures of the satellite pre-packing, although the moving company is claiming the photos are “fake news”.

Engineers are debating if there is a feasible way to fix the satellite to make it launch-ready. Some courses of action they are considering include using superglue or duct taping up the mirror. In addition to mirror damage, the body of the satellite seems to have a dent on it. Engineers are considering if “kicking the dent out” will be able to fix the problem.

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Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

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