Financial Analysis and Incentive Structure of Perpetual Debenture at New Car Dealerships

Richard Heade, PhD

 Department of Implied Mathematics, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

Abstract

For decades economists, mathematicians and sociologists have been analyzing the unnatural financial phenomenon playing out in modern new car dealerships. A mixed team of graduate research students paid in experience at the Cranberry Lemon University Department of Implied Mathematics and Department of Sociopathy have uncovered the surprisingly simple structure of the “power triangle” that allows car salesman and dealerships, who always “have just the car for you” in their lot, to sell their inventory to customers at a financial loss yet somehow create wealth. This research paper provides the evidence, both empirically and pathologically, that illustrates how one can “practically steal” from the dealership who is “losing money on this deal, so you better sign the poorly scribbled signature line now and commit to $40,500 on this one of a kind limited edition Toyota RAV 4 Hybrid with the Gucci package leather trim and no floor mats, because even though it is 30 minutes past closing I can’t promise that your dream vehicles (of which there are like 20,000 in existence) will be here tomorrow at 0800 when we open and at this amazing deal”. The key finding on our RAV 4 purchase was that we weren’t just car owners but business owners as well.

Keywords: Power-Triangle, Scheme, 2021 Toyota Rav 4, Pyramid, Sociopath, Mustang Steve

1. Introduction

For millennia, humans have conducted and refined the practice of commerce to the point that social manipulation, “business” is a taught and institutionalized science. Business can be broken down into four categories: tourism, food service,  railroads, and sales… and hospitals/manufacturing, and air travel [1]. When a science becomes institutionalized there is an expected degree of traditional logic that lays the foundation to which all subcategories derive their ratiocination. For Example, Astrology writ large lays the empirically proven foundation for the righteous study of our Flat Earth. However, this motif is not present in the derivation of new car sales from the science of business, so where did it come from? The method used by Mustang Steve to give every customer a screamin hot deal and a percentage of ownership in their own business seems to break all known traditional laws of economics. 

To analyze the structure of new car sales behaviour (means), we must first identify the sought after goal of that behavior (ends). Simply put, what do the salesmen, managers, owners, and manufactures want? How do they break the simple laws of macro and micro economics while remaining constantly well below the Volvo-Supply-Demand-Curve postulated by the six cylinder Kentucky Colonel Angry Antonio in [2]? 

After determining the ends, we see what motivates each individual means. We call the unintuitive behaviour, specifically discovered here-in, the Madoff Effect [3] which, like a virus, has spread directly from the essential oil company Youngish Living™ to the new car sales industry. 

2. The Structure Origin 

The structure of the new car financial scheme is relatively new to the world of business. Pre 1968, the structure was simple, the dealership purchased inventory from the manufacturer with a mail-in money order. Inventory was then shipped via steam engine from the thriving and futuristic city of Detroit, and “this year’s model” would arrive just in time for Chistamas. Inventory was sold by a well shaven six foot tall man who was only in the sales business to ensure people of America got good quality automobiles as they dove off the lot in their single-pane windshields, no seatbelts, and an unsecured extra large Christmas bow [4]. 

1969 brought in the flood of New-Age health and sales practices with the promise of immortality and perpetual wealth. With this flood brought the rise of spiritual leaders like Jim Jones, Charles Manson, and Mustang Steve who had the uncanny ability to sell new ways of thinking. Mustang Steve’s untraditional rise to fame and riches was not out of a desire for power, but out of financial necessity. Prior to his rise he was in fact a follower of one of these ideological possessions, the cult of Essential Oils. While a master of the piston, Steve could not even move a variety pack of peppermint oil and was selling at a loss. 

Mustang Steve, a car salesman, after purchasing a “Starter Kit (best value)” with 10 high quality oils, a standard diffuser, a portable diffusers, and two lavender bath bombs (a $499 package for only $399!), and convincing himself that this is an easy way to make money on the side and that they practically sell themselves, he signed up to be a “distributor”. Mustang Steve quickly derived the modern financial structure we experience today for car sales and essential oil peddling after realizing that spending $299 per month for 40oz of potpourri was not prudent. Instead, if he signed up three friends to be distributors, and they signed up three friends to be distributors, and they signed up three friends to be distributors, and they signed up three friends to be distributors, and they signed up three friends to be distributors… then he could make a significant profit and achieve a Crown Platinum compensation plan distributor rank without ever actually selling the product to someone who wants it. 

Mustang Steve quickly learned that he could apply this structure to selling anything without legal repercussions [5]; nutritional supplements, creams, cosmetics, vacuum cleaners, and cars.

3. Current Financial Practice

Our research team at the Cranberry Lemon University Laboratory of Money Laundering and Crimes of High Finance has determined that the  unintuitive architecture of this financial structure is best described as a continuance of events starting with manufacture, for the sake of simplicity we will follow a steady supply of Toyota RAV4s from the manufactures (top of the pyramid) down to the young, poor, and desperate car salesman working weekdays outside on the lot in the middle of summer in Phoenix (bottom of the pyramid). 

Starting with quality American assembled, Chinese made vehicles at $18,000 to produce, the manufacturer “Executive Diamond Level” sells to the dealerships “Double Diamond Level” at a modest $30,500. The dealerships then guilt trip the sales managers “Gold Platinum Level” to purchase their vehicles and more at a loss at $29,000. This unnatural transaction (the Madoff Effect) is actually economically prudent because, outside of the first exchange, all costs are irrelevant and financial success is only dependent on how many many subordinates you can amass beneath you purchasing your cars, and cars from the manufacturer, but through you. As long as you can keep pawning off your inventory on those subordinate to you, you can perpetually sciphen money from the river of cars. The process continues down to the “Star Silver Level”, new salesmen fresh and motivated from Mustang Steve’s self help seminars. 

4. Future Projected Evolution

Our research team had the opportunity to attend one of Mustang Steve’s seminars, “Unleash the Power of the Pyramid”. After the free seminar portion (45 min of standing next to a jumbotron outside of the gate being told how much money and success we could have if we just paid $599 for the full ticket where he’d provide us the secrets of his Power Pyramid), and after each member of our team purchased the starter kit of Toyota RAV4s and instruction guide on how to recruit friends to become as successful and wealthy as we are about to be, he revealed his science. 

Figure 1. Mustang Steve’s “Power Pyramid” [sic]

Figure 1. Mustang Steve’s “Power Pyramid” [sic]

   Although the great Mustang Steve has only blessed a small portion of the market with his brilliant pyramid, there is projected to be substantial growth throughout the rest of the sales market, not just new cars. If our research team makes more profits in the next two months we will get invited to an exclusive island retreat to learn even more about the pyramid. 

Figure 2. The Brilliant and Wise Mustang Steve

Figure 2. The Brilliant and Wise Mustang Steve

   This inevitable expansion is good for the research team who now has the great opportunity to achieve the life we’ve always wanted. As the pyramid grows, we’ve secured our place at the “Silver Brass Level” (with only a $2,000 administrative fee and Silver Brass Level welcome kit) and thus we can expect good financial gains. Luckily this model is perpetual and there is no bottom since we now sell such a great product.   

5. Conclusion

His excellence, Mustang Steve, has gifted our research team, and the world with an amazing product and an opportunity to reach our dreams. With only a small fraction of perpetual debt, we have set ourselves up for a wondrous future. If anyone reading this article wants to become a member and purchase a starter kit of RAV4s, please write to me (ONLY TO ME), at the below address; the check/money order can be addressed the same. We need every help we can to make it to the island retreat and learn the full power of the power pyramid for science!

Dr. Richard Head
Department of Implied Mathematics
Cranberry Lemon University, Bldg 414 Ste 236
Pittsburgh, PA 51219

You will receive your starter kit and swag bag in 120-240 days after your payment is processed. 

References

  1. Michael Scott: Season 3, Episode 17, “Business School”(7 min 49 sec). The Office. NBC. February 15, 2007.  
  2. Antonio Grigrio 2017 Linear Relationships of the Volvo-Supply-Demand-Curve and the Bottom Line :: Annals of Moving Steel in the Tristate Area
  3. Madman Madoff 2015 Automotive Sales and the Madoff Effect in Post-Modern Memorial Day sales :: Journal of Holiday Sale Viral Carology. 
  4. L Jenkins and G Ramirez 2009 The Art of Selling Quality Vehicles for the Good of America :: Modern Salesman’s Journal
  5. Smith B. The Financial Sciences of Charles Ponzi, Dreams and Schemes [1993], Pittsburgh, PA: Cranberry Lemon University Publishing

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Published by S Rohrenjean

S. Rohrenjean is an Aerospace Engineer who has specialized in Canard Aesthetics and Reynolds Determinacy. With essentially a minor in Business Ethics, he began his professional endeavors as an undergrad selling access to his hoard of previous semesters Aero exams. Success came easy as most Aero professors concern themselves with the internal dialog of "why didn't I become a EE?" and "EE isn't real engineering, plasma induced laminar flow will change the world!", and thus never change their exam questions. Now, as an unemployed engineer who can explain in detail every aspect of Kutta condition but can't code "hello world" in anything but Matlab, he is working on the only true career progression of an Aero Engineer, tenure track professor.

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