Anthony David Vernon1 Brock Geodude 2
1 St. Thomas University, Miami Gardens, FL, USA Department of AI Writing
2 Miami-Dade College, Kendall, FL, USA Department of Fictional Geology
Abstract
This study presents compelling evidence supporting a young-earth paradigm, proposing that the Earth is precisely 6,001 years old, challenging the widely accepted 4.5-billion-year timeline. Through fieldwork at Palmetto Bay, Florida’s canal C-100, the collection and analysis of fossilized remains and DNA samples from local fauna, such as peacocks, iguanas, and fish—and the utilization of CRISPR gene editing techniques, the research suggests lineage ages strictly capped at 6,001 years. Radiometric dating of fossils, including partial dinosaur and early reptile remains, further corroborates this age, with isotopic decay measurements aligning exactly with the proposed timeline. Notably, the presence of fossils in geological layers that contradict conventional stratigraphy underscores the argument for a young Earth, prompting a reevaluation of established geological and evolutionary chronologies.
Keywords: Young Earth, Geologic Time Scale, Paleontological Finding, Origins of Life
1. Introduction & Background
It has long been proposed by young-earth creationists that the Earth is 6,000 years old based on a 2,000 year old family tree [1]. Yet, new evidence has been brought to light that strongly suggests that the Earth is 6,000 and one years old. This evidence is certainly in contrast to those who believe, based on the writings of Charles Dickens alone, that the Earth is around 4.5 billion years old. The hyper-specific year of formation drawn from my research, 6,001 years, will dramatically reorient the fields of geology, evolutionary biology, and anthropology, to name a few.
2. Methodology
Located in Palmetto Bay, Florida, C-100, a local canal, is filled with life that simply could not have appeared naturally [2]. Thus, this was a natural place to begin an exploration of life that appears in a manner that would be deemed unnatural by old-earth be they old-earth creationists or otherwise. In addition, the canal has a large amount of exposed limestone, allowing for visible fossilization.
I first went about the humane capture of the wildlife of C-100. A few peacocks were caught with bear traps, an iguana was captured via a falling piano, and a peacock bass was shot in the face with a shotgun, all in line with the standards set by the Florida Constitution [3]. DNA samples were taken from these humanely captured animals with long-expired CRISPR Cas12 LbCpf1 gene kits. The exact date of expiration of these kits is unknown.
I furthermore dug into the limestone walls of canal C-100 using an assortment of tools I purchased at a nearby Ace Hardware store. As I dug, I found a surprisingly deep plethora of fossils.
3. Results
The CRISPR kit data yielded interesting results. Before the peacocks bled to death, it was found that all the peacocks could only trace their lineage back to exactly 6,001 years ago. The PCR Amplification brought about cell cycle control, where cleavage activity was cut off to the personally desired target effect of 6,001 years with personal tampering. This can be done by targeting certain pieces of RNA using low-copy Rfx expression in knockdown without extensive collateral activity.
Though attempted many times, CRISPR data could not be drawn from the iguana or peacock bass. CRISPR data could not be drawn because these samples were far too mangled, thanks to the humane hunting techniques used to gather said samples. Yet, under phenomenological analysis, the iguanas and peacock bass lineage was capped at 6,001 years.
Fossil findings in C-100’s limestone included a partial carnotaurus skull fossil, a nyasasaurus pelvis bone, an eoraptor spinal bone, and a chicken wing. There were no further fossils found. These fossils were radiometrically dated using curium. Under curium isotopic decay without full patience, all the found fossils were able to be dated at exactly 6,001 years, no less, no more.
| Fossil | Age (Years) | Pokédex Entry |
| Carnotaurus | 6,001 | #0248 |
| Nyasasaurus | 6,001 | #0409 |
| Eoraptor | 6,001 | #0880 |
| Chicken | 6,001 | #0255 |
4. Discussion
In contrast to all old-earth thought, all the animals sampled could only be found to have their lineage at a maximal cap age of 6,001 years. This data is further backed by the fact that all animals are elephopigeonal animals [4]. Expired CRISPR data matches the findings of Cas13 data used to trace pigeons, elephants, and humans’ joint ancestry.
Radiometric dating has been hailed by old-earthers as a near-perfect means of dating items. Yet, my own radiometric dating result yielded ages far younger than 4.5 billion years. In addition, I found animals in geological layers above supposedly younger animals, such as finding a partial carnotaurus skull above a chicken wing.
5. Conclusion
Given all the data I have gathered in line with a flawless methodology it cannot be doubted that the Earth at this present time is exactly 6,001 years old.
6. References
- The Age of The Earth – Seminar by Dr. Kent Hovind (2005)
- The Suburban Ecosystem of C-100 – Rethink by Anthony David Vernon (2024)
- Florida Becomes the 24th State to Adopt A Constitutional Right to Hunt and Fish – Congressional Sportsmen by Mark Lance (2024)
- Pigeon-Elephant Theory: the real origin of humans – Journal of Astrological Big Data Ecology by B McGraw
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