By Dr. Brain, T1, and Pinky2
1 Department of Evil Plans Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
2 Cranberry-Lemon University, unaffiliated, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
Optogenetics is a fast growing and exciting field in which scientists can repurpose their Christmas tree LEDs to make mice and other animals do things. There have been advances in Parkinsons, anxiety, depression, Schizophrenia, Drug abuse treatments, and even may cure blindness. Despite all of these advances into uplifting the Mus Musculus species, research has failed time and time again to produce a safe and predictable method for making mice better drivers. It’s easy to make a mouse horny or run around in a circle using electrodes or optogenetics but how can such methods be used to stop them from driving in the left lane when they’re not passing anybody on the highway? This paper presents a novel technique using optogenetics through hippocampus memory retrieval and Basal Ganglia to influence mice to commit 93% less driving faux pas to include; Driving in the left lane when you aren’t passing anybody, tailgating, stopping to turn in a left lane on a busy road, and buying those LED headlights that make you think they’re a cop for a split second and freaking everyone out.
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