Safe Optogenetics Techniques in Reducing Driving Faux Pas in Mice

(Featured Image I use the whole article credit to the new york times, CC BY 2.5, via Wikimedia Commons)

By Dr. Brain, T1, and Pinky2

1 Department of Evil Plans Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2 Cranberry-Lemon University, unaffiliated, Pittsburgh, PA, USA 


Optogenetics is a fast growing and exciting field in which scientists can repurpose their Christmas tree LEDs to make mice and other animals do things. There have been advances in Parkinsons, anxiety, depression, Schizophrenia, Drug abuse treatments, and even may cure blindness. Despite all of these advances into uplifting the Mus Musculus species, research has failed time and time again to produce a safe and predictable method for making mice better drivers. It’s easy to make a mouse horny or run around in a circle using electrodes or optogenetics but how can such methods be used to stop them from driving in the left lane when they’re not passing anybody on the highway? This paper presents a novel technique using optogenetics through hippocampus memory retrieval and Basal Ganglia to influence mice to commit 93% less driving faux pas to include; Driving in the left lane when you aren’t passing anybody, tailgating, stopping to turn in a left lane on a busy road, and buying those LED headlights that make you think they’re a cop for a split second and freaking everyone out.     

Rest of the article coming to a print book soon by Packt Publishing! I don’t know how soon yet. Please follow us on our socials or come back later for the release date and the link to the amazon link to the book. It’ll actually edited by someone other than myself! I’ve sold out to the publishers, sorry not sorry, still gonna post new articles.

If you enjoyed this fake science article please like, share, and subscribe with your email, our twitter handle (@JABDE6), our facebook group hereor the Journal of Immaterial Science Subreddit for weekly content.

Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: