Yet another sample has been made public adding to yet another round of scientific bickering over how old Trevor’s Mom truly is. After she had agreed to be part of a public Covid long hauler study, tissue and DNA samples have been further analyzed by world class geologists. Each team of experts has updated their own models adding even more intrigue to the controversial scientific mystery of how old Trevor’s mom really is.
In case you haven’t been keeping up with the fast paced world of Geochronology, in the mid aughties, Trevor’s mom made an obscure I Love Lucy reference at a Labor Day barbecue. She is not that cool and wouldn’t be able to make obscure references like that unless she had lived it and was a grown adult to watch the episode in early 1950s when such a thing would have been normal. The mystery turned into a full scientific inquiry, after she had agreed to some tissue sampling for a lab in Zurich. Some Swiss experts estimated she was five hundred years old while others estimated at least one million based on sediment deposits!
When asked to corroborate the lab findings, Trevors mom answered ‘A Lady never tells’ and retreated into the kitchen to finish baking our Tostitos pizza rolls while we were playing Halo 2 at Trevors 15th birthday party. Fifteen years and three Cranberry Lemon PhD’s in Geology with specialities in geologic dating later and the experts are still baffled by the mystery of Trevor’s Mom’s true age. Now, with the interest of the full scientific community, it’s no mystery how exciting this new tissue sample has become.
Radiocarbon Dating Estimate
Dr. Jeffrey Dahlmer of Cranberry Lemon’s geology department and expert in carbon dating techniques believes that she is much older than her previous estimate. “This new tissue sample is a real break through! At first we believed she was born sometime after the Great Jewish Revolt, give or take a few decades. This did peak interest from the Hobby Lobby Museum of the Bible who wanted to acquire her as their first ever living exhibit. This, of course, brought in more scrutiny.”
If you REEEEALY want to read the rest of this hard hitting article, for the equivalent price of a Chipotle Burrito, chips and Queso, you could buy our new book Et Al with over 20 hand picked Jabde articles for your reading pleasure, it’s the perfect Christmas/Birthday gift for confusing your unsuspecting family members! Order on amazon here: https://packt.link/at4bw Please rate and review so that you can brag to your friends about having opinions or showcase your excellent taste in reading material!
