The Nihilistic Network Management Model: An Optimal Approach to Cybersecurity

Dr. Edgart Notting1, and Anonymous2

1 Department of Metaphysical Informations Technology, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2 Foundation for Anarchist Computer Science, Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA 


In Network Management, the administrator must balance performance, convenience, flexibility and security to provide a reliable service to their client applications. The classical and enlightenment era network management models have been shown time and time again to fall prey to fast developing and adaptive malware. Before malware was advanced, such classical methods provided an effective simplistic approach to maintaining the performance benchmarks that network clients have grown to expect. Unfortunately, under the complex cyber security environment, only extremely rigid religious fundamentalist network management methods remain secure at the price of strict configuration management and slower performance. Using a new Nihilistic Network Management Model (N2M2), extreme metaphysical and epistemological skepticism are utilized to create secure networks while keeping configuration management flexible and expedite network performance to evolve into an  übernetwork. The N2M2 is shown in this paper to be 98% more likely to prevent a phishing attempt while maintaining performance benchmarks with extremely flexible network policies. 

If you enjoyed this clickbait listicle please like, share, and subscribe with your email, our twitter handle (@JABDE6), our facebook group hereor the Journal of Immaterial Science Subreddit for weekly content.

If you REEEEALY love the content, for the equivalent price of a Chipotle Burrito, chips and Queso, you could buy our new book Et Al with over 20 hand picked Jabde articles for your reading pleasure, it’s the perfect Christmas/Birthday gift for confusing your unsuspecting family members! Order on amazon here: Please rate and review so that you can brag to your friends about having opinions or showcase your excellent taste in reading material!

Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: