On Saturday, a group of marine biologists helped release some tragically beached garbage back into the Pacific Gulf. The beached garbage had been left stranded in the Biloxi MS beach for days before anybody decided to do anything about it.
“It’s so sad to see this trash on our beaches,” Said Dr. Randy Caveman of Cranberry Lemon University. “We have to rely on volunteers to safely help the trash back to the ocean where it belongs.”
“I think it’s the climate change that is causing all these new issues,” A volunteer said as she hurled an empty plastic jug into the sea. “You have to give it a good toss out there while there’s a decent sized rip current or you’ll sadly see this trash beached yet again when you come back tomorrow.” The volunteer said with a frown.
It’s not a misnomer: the past 3 years have seen a 12% increase in trash coming back onto shore. “This is really a serious problem, but I’m not sure there’s much we can do to permanently fix the problem,” said another beach volunteer, while launching a bag of soda cans into the waves. “I mean, the trash keeps coming back. I wish there was some way to solve this untenable problem.”
The problems arose during the recent trade wars with China which left Americans unable to count on the East to throw our garbage into the ocean anymore. Before the trade war of regulations and tariffs, hard working Americans shipped out their garbage to be recycled back into the ocean. Whether from the development of artificial islands, lax shipping requirements or ill-maintained garbage dumps, the Chinese were the most cost-effective method for releasing garbage into the oceans. Soon, we may have to take time away from work and family to toss our refuse into the sea ourselves.
As a result of this decline in available aquatic trash distribution services, and possibly due to global warming, the Pacific Giant Trash Patch is shrinking at a rate of 5% per year. Says a source, “If we don’t act now, in a few years we may not even have a trash island anymore.” Many ecologists have begun pressing the Biden administration to create an international preservation effort to save the massive Pacific trash island for posterity to fulfill one of his campaign promises. While many swirling ocean currents keep the trash island fixed in place, it still needs a steady influx of new trash to maintain its size.
In related news, biologists have discovered a mass migration of raccoons to the ocean.
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