Are you a Gar or an Eel

B McGrawJuly 20, 2025July 20, 2025QuizzesEel, Gar, Humor, Personality Quiz, Research

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Are You a Gar or an Eel?

This quiz is exactly what it sounds like.

by Sarah Birgé

1 / 9

Which of these facts make you the most aware of your human fragility?

Atractosteus spatula, also known as alligator gar, can grow up to ten feet long. The heaviest ever recorded alligator gar weighed 327 pounds.[3,4]

Thyrsoidea macrura, the slender giant moray eel, can be up to twelve feet long. The heaviest eel on record, a European Conger, clocked in at 350 pounds [1,2]

2 / 9

Which optional-use organ fact is your favorite? Before answering, please take a moment to consider the very concept of an optional-use organ.

In another example of the optional-use organ, silver eels dissolve their stomachs for energy during migration. [5]

Gar have an optional-use organ called “gas bladders,” rudimentary lungs that allow them to surface and take in a breath of air. Thus, gar can survive in stagnant, deoxygenated water.

3 / 9

Which one of these facts makes you saddest about your soft, aging body?

The female tuna kuwharuwharu, also known as the New Zealand longfin eel, can live to be over 100. [7,8]

Gar scales are covered in ganoine, a hard crystalline mineral which creates a sort of bony armor. People who fish for gar must wear gloves to avoid being cut. [6]

4 / 9

Which of these two facts is the most astounding?

Gar eggs contain ichthyotoxins, which are not always toxic to other fish, even potential predators, but which are toxic to humans and have no known antidote. [9,10]

Eel reproduction in general, and European eel reproduction in specific, is shrouded in mystery. “Sexually mature eels have never been caught alive in the wild.” [11,12]

5 / 9

Would you rather:

Co-exist with humanoid gar who have crystalline bone armor, resulting in your incurring minor but frequent scratches when sharing small spaces such as public transit and elevators.

Co-exist with athletic humanoid eels who can be up to 1440 pounds and twelve feet tall, thus cutting humans out of all professional and most Olympic sports. [13]

6 / 9

Do you think that gar or eels are more likely to be the remnants of a quick intergalactic visit by aliens millions of years ago?

Eels

Gar

7 / 9

Would you rather:

Be bitten six times a year by an alligator gar, which look very scary but have a mild bite. (Supposedly, that is. The gar fishing forums have bite discourse like you wouldn’t believe).

Have to tell everyone you meet that electric eels aren’t true eels for an entire day each month (you’re a warrior for the truth but have pushed away everyone you love).

8 / 9

Would you rather:

Have to look at a moray eel’s large, round, white, swiveling eyes for 3 full minutes every night before you go to bed (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh). [14]

Have to step on the “very slippery coating of slime” left behind by gar every morning when getting out of bed (ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww). [15]

9 / 9

What do you think is most likely to inspire a furry subculture?

Femme boy eels (so slinky)

Sexy lady gars (bone armor bikini!)

Your score is

References

Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process. View more posts

One thought on “Are you a Gar or an Eel”

Don't be silly. says:

July 21, 2025 at 11:51 am

I am so glad there are people like you in the world. 😀

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Are you a Gar or an Eel

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