Astronomers warn of Emergence of Super Capricorns in aftermath of Christmas Star

The alignment of Jupiter and Saturn is a special time that will be enjoyed by many around the world in this festive season. With the two planets in close proximity creating the first true Christmas star in 800 years, many think of this as a pleasant end we all needed to the disastrous year. However, Astronomers and astrologers alike express concerns of what could be the beginning of the end of the age of Aquarius. According to astrophysics musicians the fifth dimension, the age of Aquarius and the dominance of free flowing water bearers was supposed to bring on a time of…

Harmony and understanding
Sympathy and trust abounding
No more falsehoods or derisions
Golden living dreams of visions
Mystic crystal revelation
And the mind’s true liberation

Because of the unfortunate timing of the Jupiter-Saturn alignment, we can kiss peace guiding our planets good bye. Today on this winter solstice marks the beginning of the winter and the Capricorn. Many Astrological models are predicting unusually strong planetary influence on babies born in the next 31 days which experts are saying will create monstrous super Capricorns.

The 2020 Capricorn Goat of Fear: seething with Evil
The 2020 Capricorn Goat of Fear: seething with Evil

“The world can’t work without Capricorns,” Cranberry Lemon’s Theoretical Astrology Physics PhD Ziggy Schwartz explained “They’re hard working, ambitious and responsible. They make a lot of society work with those personality traits. Unfortunately, when you mix a typical Capricorn with this much planetary influence you can get a real monster who’s a stubborn, workaholic, and intolerant of anyone who may get in the way of the bottom line.”

Experts like Ziggy Schwartz theorized, then modeled, then cross validated their own work with each other, then created predictive simulations of this eventuality that paint one hell of a grim picture. The babies born in the next month are going to be emotionless monsters who will bring about one hundred years of evil. Due to their hardworking ambitious nature amplified by the pure planetary power and influence of the sun’s waning gravitational influence in Earths winter months, these babies will be impossible to stop from an early age. God help you if you’re a more easy going personality type in thirty years when this generation of super Capricorns gain insurmountable power, because there will be no tolerance for non-productive non-traditional loosey-goosey types. We’ve never needed Elon to send us to Mars more than right now!

“I’ve said before that a belief in astrology is harmless as long as you don’t make any big decisions with it,” Astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson explained. “I have believed there is no scientific evidence that the positions of the stars and planets effects your personality. I am here to tell you today that this is not the case when Saturn and Jupiter line on the winter solstice as close as they are today. There’s something devious that happens to new borns with the combination of astronomical influences like tonight and the following month that science can only confirm and not explain.” The influential astro-physics expert was so afraid of the projections, he did not even want to go into detail on how the next one hundred years would be. It’s no wonder the Capricorn’s animal is the sea goat of fear which creates panic and terror across land and the sea.

Some more progressive federal authorities are authorizing emergency funding to begin tracking the development of these super Capricorns who will be born over the next thirty days. Many critics suggest that Congress does not have the constitutional power to prevent the approaching disaster these Super Capricorns will bring to our future and will just be doing damage control as long as we can. Most sociologists well versed in the field of astrology say it will only be 30-40 years until every company executive, politician, and authority figure of any kind will be one of these super Capricorns. They will hold on to this power and enforce the age of the goat of fear until their influence wanes back into the age of Aquarius for their malice will know no limit.

Merry Christmas, happy Holidays and enjoy the beautiful Christmas star tonight while we can still feel joy!

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Published by B McGraw

B McGraw has lived a long and successful professional life as a software developer and researcher. After completing his BS in spaghetti coding at the department of the dark arts at Cranberry Lemon in 2005 he wasted no time in getting a masters in debugging by print statement in 2008 and obtaining his PhD with research in screwing up repos on Github in 2014. That's when he could finally get paid. In 2018 B McGraw finally made the big step of defaulting on his student loans and began advancing his career by adding his name on other people's research papers after finding one grammatical mistake in the Peer Review process.

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